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The Ugly Truth

January 27th, 2012

 

Readers, think about it: when’s the last time somebody really unattractive became famous?  Newt Gingrich?  He’s been around awhile.  John Belushi?  He’s been dead for decades.

It may be hard to believe, but in the early Nineteen-Thirties, comic actress Marie Dressler, already over sixty and with the face of an English Bulldog, was THE number one Hollywood box office attraction, which she remained until her death at sixty-five.  Watch an old movie of hers like Min and Bill or Dinner at Eight and you’ll immediately understand why.  She was a powerhouse.

Do you remember Margaret Hamilton?  No beauty, she.  But Hamilton was one of the most beloved character actresses in Hollywood history, due primarily to her role as the Wicked Witch of the West in The Wizard of Oz.   (Parenthetically, isn’t it spooky that she looks like the fraternal twin of co-star, scarecrow Ray Bolger, who was equally lacking in the looks department and even more popular than she, despite it?)

 

 

Both movies and television used to be teeming with, frankly, funny-looking women: Martha Raye (pictured up top), Ann B. Davis, Alice Pearce, Thelma Ritter, Kay Ballard, Alice Ghostley — the list goes on and on.  Even some huge stars like Carol Burnett started out playing ugly ducklings and goofballs.

Kay Ballard


Alice Pearce as Gladys Kravitz on “Bewitched”
Alice Ghostley (Another “Betwitched” alum)


The young Carol Burnett

These actresses made a name for themselves based on their looks as surely as Marilyn Monroe and Grace Kelly did.  But these were women (primarily though not exclusively) who were not afraid to take their middle-of-the-road (or worse) looks to exaggerated extremes for comic effect.  They looked like people we really knew and we loved them for it.  Perhaps we didn’t project our romantic fantasies on them, but they made us laugh and they made us cry.

Marjorie Main
Thelma Ritter

To some extent, this has been true for men as well.  So many beloved stars like Jimmy Durante, William Demarest, Jackie Gleason, and W.C. Fields were either fat, old, bald, or some combination thereof, and it made no difference.  Like a beloved uncle or grandfather, we took these funny-looking men to heart.

William Demarest, Uncle Charlie on “My Three Sons”

It seems like today, we’re surrounded by pretty faces.  Our media-saturated environment rarely makes room for the unattractive.  Even when an actor or actress becomes famous as a fat person — think Jennifer Hudson, Ricky Lake, Star Jones — they quickly drop weight faster than a high school wrestler.  Even Oprah has exploited her own weight problems to become the living embodiment of the Cinderella fantasy, albeit with quite a few bumps along the road (and she’s exploited those too).

Television shows like Extreme Makeover and The Swan have been fixated on turning people with so-called physical flaws into pageant contestants.  As a culture, we seem to have few problems with extremes of economic inequality, but if a poor girl has a weak chin, by God, she deserves a chance in life!  (At least to look gorgeous at her high school reunion)

Of course, many funny-looking female comics have played right into this make-over obsession, becoming poster-children for radical plastic surgery: Phyllis Diller, Roseanne Barr, Kathy Griffin, Totie Fields (and the winner is…Joan Rivers!).   It’s remarkable when you think about it.  Women comics may make a career out of knocking their looks, but given half a chance, off to the cosmetic surgeon they go.  Thoughts?

Remember when Roseanne Barr looked like this?

It’s different for men, of course, though, obviously looks matter.  Still, there’s plenty of room for a jowly Donald Trump or an octogenarian Regis Philbin on prime time.  

Its easier for men for one reason, I believe.  Heterosexual men are biologically hard-wired to seek out women who display the (youthful) traits associated with beauty, among them soft skin, thick hair, perky breasts, and shapely butts.  (This is all about sex and propagation, folks.)  While some historical eras have embraced heavier female bodies, the fixation on youthful women transcends culture, geography, and historic time.  Old women may be venerated, but they aren’t desired like young women are.

Why else could Andy Rooney age naturally on 60 Minutes when Barbara Walters is expected to look eternally fifty-something-ish on every news show she appears on?  (She’s eighty-two.)

 

Even female politicians like Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann are made over and expected to be knockouts.  Where’s the female equivalent of the Basset Hound-faced Ron Paul, I ask? 

I don’t read a lot of blogs, but Sally McGraw’s Already Pretty is one of my favorites.  Sometimes reading it, however, I’m struck by how hard it seems to be for so many women to feel good about their bodies and the way they look in general.  Young men may be obsessed with building muscles or comparing their sexual endowments, but men have nothing like Already Pretty (can you imagine a blog called Already Handsome?), or the scores of womens beauty and fitness magazines, diet books, and the like.

Perhaps it’s time we restored our appreciation for the homely among us.  Maybe they have something to teach to us about self-acceptance, putting our looks in perspective, and having the last laugh.

In closing, do you agree that we seem to have less tolerance for unattractive people these days?  Is it harder today for someone who’s not pretty or handsome than it was, say, a few generations ago?   Are we the same, but the media environment has changed?

If you’re from a country other than the United States, are things different where you live, or would you say that beauty, and trying to look beautiful, is as much a cultural obsession there as it is here?

Does the same double standard between men and women exist?

Jump in!

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Readers, I was stunned — stunned — to discover how many MPB readers are simply nuts about pie!

And speaking of pie, many of you are probably wondering what kind of pie I like.  I’ll be brief(ish):  While I enjoy a savory shepherd’s pie from time to time (I am fortunate to live near the extraordinary Myers of Keswick grocery store, which offers a vast selection of fresh, savory English pies daily), pie to me remains primarily a sweet dessert.

A homemade pie made with fresh ingredients is almost always a pleasure to eat.  I loathe artificial sugar substitutes and prefer my pie served alone rather than laden with whipped cream, swimming in melted ice cream or dripping with molten cheddar cheese.  A lemon meringue pie, not too sweet, is a marvelous thing, especially if the meringue is mile high and slightly toasted on top.

I love cherry pie, especially with sour cherries, but I find this kind of pie is often made with inferior canned cherries and has a soggy crust.  Whole Foods makes a decent cherry pie, not to-die-for but not bad for store bought.  Nothing beats a delicious slice of fresh apple pie, but I’ve found that apple pies often have thick, leaden crusts, and the apple filling is not sufficiently baked (I don’t want applesauce, but I like my apple pie juicy), or there is too much cinnamon.  Less is more.  Same goes with sugar — not too sweet, please.  While I do like pecan pie, it’s usually too sweet, or too full of Karo syrup and not enough pecans.

Finally, in autumn, nothing is more delicious to me than pumpkin or squash pie.  I prefer mine light, not too sweet, and slightly chilled.

My goodness, what a pie snob I’ve become!  Come to think of it, I prefer cake.  Let’s move on.  You have till midnight EST tonight to throw your hat in the ring for the Vintage Vogue pattern I’m giving away, and you don’t have to mention pie at all.   

Today, I finally documented my men’s pattern stash!  Readers, I own roughly one hundred men’s patterns (every time I count I come up with a slightly different number).  Scary.

Here’s a bit of pattern shopping advice: never buy a “lot” on eBay.  You will always end up with many more patterns than you want and/or need.  (There’s a reason why they call it a lot.  Maybe they should call it too much.)  I made this mistake just once and ended up with a boxful of roughly thirty patterns, half of which were the wrong size and should be given away — but to whom?

Men’s patterns are, of course, much less varied than women’s patterns and frankly, less fun.  I’ve used a pretty wide variety considering how similar my finished projects ended up looking.  I don’t think anyone needs more than one pajama pattern, for example, provided it includes a nightshirt.  There are slight differences in men’s patterns: princess seams on a shirt, unusual pocket placement, epaulets, bell bottoms instead of straight leg, Western style shirt yokes, etc., but it’s still mostly pants and shirts.

I’ve created a Picasa file of my men’s patterns as I did for my women’s patterns, and have included shots of my completed projects immediately after the pattern used.  In some cases, you’ll see more than one project if I used a particular pattern multiple times.  I won’t say this is everything I’ve sewn for me and Michael, but almost.  It’s a biggish file so you might want to save it for after dinner, perhaps accompanied by pie!

As always, you can view these pics full size by clicking on any one, which will take you directly to Picasa, where you can scroll through at your own pace or watch it as a slide show.

I love having an archive I can access easily, and I’ll be adding to it as I continue to sew. 

I’ll bet many of you have at least a few of these patterns, am I right?  As you can see, I have all the Seventies patterns anyone could possibly want, in a wide variety of sizes just in case I puff up in the next few decades.  I think as far as men’s patterns are concerned, I am done. 

Question: Why would anyone bother to sew a man’s tie?  Good gracious, the thrift stores can hardly give them away.  Am I missing something?

Have a great day everybody!

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Friends, it gives me great pleasure to announce that today, January 23rd, is National Pie Day!

But that’s not all.

Today is also our second anniversary here at MPB.  That’s right, folks, just two years ago today, Male Pattern Boldness was born.  Today we’re walking, talking, and nearly toilet trained!

Just like last year, the cables, cards, and flowers have been arriving nonstop, from so many celebrities and friends around the world, including –

Mae West

Miss Barbara Stanwyck

Dr. Lorna Gallo (soon to be seen in the uproarious Noah’s Very Unusual Insight)

The surviving cast members of Petticoat Junction

And so many more.

As has become our tradition here at MPB, I have a very special pattern giveaway for you on this very special day.  It’s the very beautiful Vintage Vogue repro 1948 pattern, V2787, in a (contemporary) size 12-14-16 (34″, 36″, 38″ bust).  The pattern is complete and uncut.

Isn’t it dreamy?

Can you name these two lovely bloggettes in their own versions?

MPB readers the world over are eligible for this giveaway, and all you have to do is leave a comment below.  Please share your favorite kind of pie, most inspiring MPB moment of last year, or just let off steam!  (If you want to say hi but don’t want the pattern, just let me know.)

As always, our staff are here for you, and our qualified clinical social workers are standing by.*

You have until Tuesday (tomorrow) midnight EST to enter, and I’ll announce the winner on Wednesday.

I wish all of you a very Happy Second Anniversary — please have a slice of pie on me.

Have a great day, everybody!

*MPB is not liable for any illness, injury, disability or death attributable to your existing physical condition or any deterioration in the same, nor responsible for any loss, claim, damage, or any direct, incidental or consequential damages of any kind which arises out of or is in any way connected with your use of this website.

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Help.

Readers, as you know, I am always trying to organize myself better.  In the last six months, I have discarded many unnecessary household items.  I dust my Ken dolls regularly.  I even started sorting my wigs!  Today I decided it was time to revisit my pattern stash, starting with my women’s patterns.

What a wake-up call: I have more than a hundred women’s patterns — slips, coats, robes, gowns, jumpers, blouses, suits, swimwear — everything but maternity.   I only started sewing in June 2009; at this rate, I’ll need a storage locker by the 2015.

Readers, please believe me when I tell you that before I counted, I had absolutely no idea how big my stash was.   I just knew it was getting too big for the credenza shelves where I store them.  Many of the patterns in my stash I purchased, many others (more than half?) were given to me.  I’ve given away quite a few in turn, but somehow, I never seem to make much of a dent in my collection.  Once I own them I find it hard to part with them — do you know what I mean?

A recently acquired favorite.
Someday I will conquer my fear of faux fur.

I decided to archive them this afternoon in a Picasa file, so that I could sort through them quickly.  What has happened a number of times is that I’ll almost purchase something I already own.  That would make me very unhappy.

I’m ambivalent about a button-down evening gown.

Always nice when a pattern comes with a message!

My collection starts in the mid to late Twenties and ends in contemporary times.  (A few downloaded BurdaStyle patterns aren’t included.)  You may notice a larger number of patterns from the Forties and early Seventies, but I think I have pretty much every period covered.  Notice any conspicuous absences?  Maybe the mid-Eighties Gunne Sax…

You can view my stash in the slide show below.  If I made a particular pattern, you’ll see a pic immediately after it of Cathy in the outfit.  You can click through to the Picasa file itself to see the patterns full size.  They are in approximate chronological order.

I am certain nearly all of you own at least one of these.

Readers, I must ask: how big is your pattern stash?  If you purchase vintage patterns, do you buy them to use or to collect, or both?  I never wanted a collection per se, and I only purchase patterns I hope to make.  As you can see, I have a lot of work ahead of me!

In closing, friends, do you have a rule about the size of your stash –like when you get to a hundred, you refuse to add more till you’ve gotten rid of some of the others, or does your stash just get bigger, and bigger, and bigger?

How many patterns do you own: Too few?  Just enough?  Too many?

Confess!

male pattern boldness

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